He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
