not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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