Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
