i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
