bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
