why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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