Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
