did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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