I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
