at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
