everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
