Will you blow on my dice?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize