Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Randomize
