Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
