Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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