I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
