I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Even my vagina gasped.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
