i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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