i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You need a sexual gate keeper
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
