There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
