Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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