4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I want to have your abortion
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I got inside last night via doggy door
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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