if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
