I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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