I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize
