i think my tv is drunk
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
