It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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