Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize