You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
