best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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