Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
