i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
