I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You're like the curious george of whores
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I need moral support for this bender
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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