I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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