I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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