Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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