If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
