God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
