I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
