Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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