i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
