no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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