he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
