I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
