And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
