You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
