Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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