We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
