drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
