When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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