he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
