I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
