His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?