I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?