OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
she looked like the before picture.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?