She is in my trunk
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.