I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead