Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
