where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
