The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My life is pants optional.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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