Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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