is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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