So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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