I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
