My sheets look like a crime scene.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
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Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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