mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
