i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
