The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
