What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
