Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
