honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
