I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
