Please, let me fuck your mom
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You took a bar mat shot.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
