yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize