Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
