I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
barbara walters just said penis...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
