Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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