you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
