How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
