The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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