I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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