My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
