I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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