TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
