Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
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