So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend