ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
