That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize